Mortification Underpants

Good name for a rock band?

I’m getting married.  This seems to necessitate the purchase of something called Spanx. This is underpants that comes up to your armpits.  My friend Cathy got me liquored up and took me to try the things on.  This was the most compassionate thing anyone has ever done for me.  I’ll admit they make me look really smooth and slimmer than normal, but there’s this silly little butt shaking dance I have to do to get into the things.

There’s also some sort of plunging neckline bra thingy that we’re calling “A boob job in a box.” Also does great things by way of foundation undergarments.  Also mortifying.

I just put on both of these things and tried on bits of my wedding dress, which will be very pretty when finished.  For now though, I’m thinking about what kind of songs my new band will play.

Live from Austin Texas, it’s MORTIFICATION UNDERPANTS!


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