All natural paste:
1/2 piece of toasted sourdough, dry
3-5 cups of teething infant drool
1 infant face
Soak toast liberally in infant drool. Rub soaked and mushed toast around infant face. Concentrate most heavily on eyebrows, ears, and the spot where head directly meets chest (no neck to speak of yet). Fling leftovers at startled dog.
Attempt to plant sticky infant face into as much dog hair, cat hair, carpet fuzz, and mom clothing as possible. Shriek loudly as if burned by acid when cleaned up with a warm washcloth.