The Undepants Conspiracy

I’m constantly searching for the perfect pair of underwear, and I’ve never found anything that comes close. It must be cotton. It must be roomy enough to not be uncomfortable, but not so loose as to give the dreaded “sag butt.”

You know the movie “Conspiracy Theory” where Mel Gibson has been brainwashed and he’s tracked by the purchase of A Catcher in the Rye? I fear that at some point I was stolen by some sort of nefarious agency and brainwashed in to thinking every time I walk past a bin of underpants, I must stop and buy some. Just in case. The perfect pair could be lurking in any store.


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