Waiting.

Time flies

At about 5:30 in the morning on July 1st, I’m sitting in our not so well scrubbed bath tub looking for that mythical state of relaxation and calm that everybody advises those in a pensive cycle of waiting to find.   I am a horrible waiter, and have been since childhood.  Not satisfied with mere punctuality, I’m the woman who has a book in her glove box for the inevitable 30 minute wait I’ll do in the car before any appointment.  Tick tock…. don’t mind me, I’m just waiting.

This would probably qualify as the ultimate wait.  I’m waiting for our first child.  My estimated due date of June 20th came and went without so much as  a contraction 11 days ago. In physiological terms it’s just any second.  2 or 3 centimeters dilated, more than 80% effaced, baby at a -1 station. Evening primrose oil, red raspberry leaf tea, black/blue cohosh tincture, spicy food, and my personal favorite source of protaglandins have all been tried for weeks.  Yesterday, proving my own fragile mental state, I actually consumed 4 oz of castor oil in a chocolate shake and spent the rest of the day groaning on the can.  All to no avail though.  I woke up this morning at about 3am feeling far more fine than I care to.

My daughter, whatever her name will end up being, apparently doesn’t share my early nature.  She’s comfy inside of me, I guess.  She has plenty of room inside my farm girl’s pelvis to just hang out and start long before her teens the tradition of driving her mother just a little crazy.  She must know that by whatever impossible mechanism of nature, I fell in love with her months and months ago, and I’ve been sitting on my hands not having a much wanted drink, round of sushi, or knock down hard run on my swollen and gimpy right leg. I’m desperate to meet her.   How long will this woman wait for me, she must wonder.

I’m just sitting here, and I’ve nothing left to read.  I’ll get out of the tub in a bit, scrub it down (it really is pretty scummy), and then go bounce on my exercise ball for another day looking at 30 years old for the patience my baby has already mastered.

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6 Responses to “Waiting.”

  1. Elaine Says:

    Dear Aggiezoe,
    Reading your waiting piece sent me back a zillion years to when I, too, waited for my first child–a daughter who has been the joy of my life. This waiting is like balancing on the edge of a crumbling cliff. You notice every tiny pebble that dislodges itself. You count every mili-second. You’re extremely aware of every breath you take–waiting, waiting for IT to happen. Know what? Baby can sense that mommy is paying attention to her. And she’s loving it! Bless you, my dear, as you go through this birth experience. You will soon be cuddling her on the OUTSIDE!

  2. Nan Says:

    OH, Zoe, How I wish….
    Every mother recognizes herself in your piece, a wonderful read. It’s hard to imagine enjoying this limbo — the few pre-natal minutes you have left — before motherhood really hits. After that the world changes. In a good way, of course.
    See you soon – and BTW – I’m bringing my tongs…. :)
    Mary

  3. lavanna martin Says:

    Hey, Zoe.

    Eat chocolate and a bunch of spicy food. Worked for me – 11 days later.

  4. Mrs. Says:

    Sweet Zoe-
    I have no miracle cures for your waiting.
    I DO, however, remember those days 30 years ago.
    Thanks for your thoughts put in words to help me reminisce.
    I will share this blog with my two favorite daughters – who someday will be waiting like you :-)
    Love, Mrs.

  5. Ally Says:

    it’s worth the wait. <3

  6. Staci Says:

    Zoe,

    You are an incredible writer! It is worth the wait, and a million times I wish I could put mine back in my tummy warm and safe from the clutches of a cruel world. Oh the joy and sweet pain of mother hood! Hope she doesn’t wait much longer!

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